being illiterate in a native language
I feel like a fraud of a Chinese person. I love my culture, but when I'm faced with the task of passionately memorizing hieroglyphics, my willpower wavers. I'm not as eager as I should be, and while I don't despise the task, It's certainly not one I love.
Yet being (basically) illiterate in one's native language is disappointing. It makes me think of my descendants, or lineage that will eventually be whitewashed in America. Hopefully it won't, but I worry that my children or their children's children will be white kids who say, "erm. actually I'm 6.322% chinese!"
That thought makes me so humiliated.. I need to read more mandarin.