comparison breeds envy and resentment
Since I go to a magnet school, something like top 20, the pressure of starting a bajillion dollar company, a national nonprofit, or curing cancer to get into a stellar college is amplified. When you're surrounded by high-achieving peers, it is difficult to not compare yourself.
Yet success isn't always celebrated the way you expect. Your friends may not nearly be as joyous about your astounding accomplishments as you are. From a young age, we are taught that there are "winners" and that striving for excellence is the key to happiness. If you're winning, what does that make them? Viewing your friends, family, or colleagues in a comparative shade only causes frustration and irritation. If you're more successful, it's best that they don't recognize it.
Comparison is a natural way to measure ourselves. If your friend just got a new, high paying job while you're still bagging groceries, It's human nature to feel a pang of jealousy-- even though you know that you should feel happy for them.
How do you stop this? Well, since we use comparison gauge our self worth, we just need to develop a sense of self worth that isn't dependent on others. Know how you feel about yourself before thinking of others.
The key is to build positive perspectives that protects us from all-or-nothing thinking; the belief that perfection is the only acceptable outcome. Its healthy to chase goals, but the real problem arises when achievement becomes a need.
I recently won a silver key from the scholastics art and writing awards. I felt joyous and over the moon, especially because I thought I didn't make the deadline because of time zone differences. Yet when I saw that another girl my age won a gold key and American vision nominee, I felt disappointed, like I was falling behind. Just goes to show that if you're always chasing perfection, you'll find flaws in anything that's mediocre or even plain good.
I still worry about not starting a nonprofit or becoming a president of 10 clubs, but I try to focus on myself. Minimizing comparison and the resentment it brings makes me feel a bit better.
*inspired by "The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great" by Ray Bennett
*not saying that your friends don't appreciate you, just zooming in on this aspect of comparison