confession: I'm tired of being perceived
Sometimes, I want to ghost all of my friends and soak in blissful solitude; I don't have to worry about how the people close to me perceive me, pick up on my flaws, or if I upset them. I can only worry about what I think about myself.(But then again, that has its own cons.)
Recently, my friend has been calling me a white supremacist for owning a brandy Melville sweatshirt. I'm Asian. I bought it a while ago. I don't support their one size fits all or the many other issues surrounding their business, but it was bought over a year ago and I no longer buy from them. There's nothing I can do to change it, and I'm tired of having morality olympics.
She says that I'm promoting their business by wearing it despite it being a plain white sweatshirt with no text.
I'm also tired of being instructed in politeness. When a counselor asked me, "would you like your transcript as a pdf or printed?"
I replied, "pdf"
My friend gave me the biggest eyes, indicating that I had been rude and silently mouthing, "pdf, please."
When the counselor asked, "do you need me to fix.." (she paused/didn't finish her sentence)
And I replied, "to fix?"
She gave me another look of disapproval.
As we walked out of the office, she told me, "you've got to be more polite" or something around those lines.
I replied, "I didn't think I was being rude."
She laughed it off, saying that she was giving me a hard time but the truth is that she didn't want to push the topic any further or cause disagreement.
I should be more open minded..maybe I was being rude. It doesn't hurt to be more polite, which I'll definitely try to do more.
Most of the people I'm close to want the best for me.
I'm just tired of feeling judged.
Tomorrow is my friends birthday party. It's quite the exciting occasion, but I don't feel like hanging out with a lot of people right now.
The next time I'm put off by something she does, I'll let her know. I need to communicate that I do not want to be called a white supremacist. 🥲