I'm being pulverized under pressure about the future
I came home today at 6:30 and the first thing my mother told me about was college. College applications, my grades, how I need to get stuff done now because time is running out, etc. I snapped at her, asking, "I come home and the first thing you ask me about is college???"
I was so irritated and stressed. She didn't deserve to be snapped at--she's trying to do is help me with the process, but any conversation that hinges on my future and deadlines is SO stressful. It's like a hot iron to my heart. I'm taking 4 aps this year, still working on my ACT score, being a volleyball manager, conducting research, and creating portfolio pieces. I can't do it all, and I'm obviously being chipped away.
I need more time to even think about making portfolio pieces, and the pressure to make 3 amazing pieces within one month is crushing. My mom reminds me of everything I need to do: any supplemental video introductions, my art portfolio, competitions, scholarships, what each college looks for in an applicant. All I want to do is lay down and cry, haha.
hahahahahhaha I'm #losingit I genuinely don't know what I can do..perhaps I paint and draw for the entirety of the weekend. Maybe I'll enjoy it. I will, probably.
I feel like a sponge that soaks up stress yet can't keep the waterworks in. It's a never-ending cycle. I cried two days ago too.
I shouldn't snap. I'm lucky to have someone that is looking out for me in the college admissions process. If I'm stressed again when she mentions college, I'll take many, many deep breaths. I'll tell her that I'm trying my best.