my ugly thoughts and feelings
I do not like having these ugly thoughts and feelings, so I thought that journaling about them would dispel their negativity.
- sometimes, I dislike my friends.
Today was our school's spirit day, which included pep rallies, outdoor time, and activities. I attended because I thought it would be fun and a core memory for my senior year, but I became a bit irritated midday. We were trying to play uno, yet my friends would not focus for the life of them. They kept talking, missing who's turn it was, and singing christmas carols through meows.
I felt as though their personalities were too big for me. The social hierarchy also became apparent--for example, who is most charismatic. I'm pretty mediocre in charisma; I'm not bad at it, but I'm not amazing either. It became a chore to stay involved when everyone else was drawn to people at the top of the social hierarchy. I disliked that feeling a lot.
- I broke up with my boyfriend mostly because I didn't find him physically attractive.
At first, I thought I could look past how physically attractive he was to me because of his smarts and his sweet personality, but I could never imagine getting physical with him or marrying him. Additionally, we shared no cultural similarities. I realized this when I met his parents and family--the difference was obvious. I don't think I can find myself marrying someone so American.
Moreover, he wanted to stay in the countryside while I wanted to go somewhere northern and more urban.
While the reason we broke up wasn't completely because of his looks, I still feel guilty about it.
- I secretly resent the way my friend spends her time
She procrastinates, doesn't get much done, stresses herself out, then complains about it. Honestly, it might bother me because I also struggle with procrastination.