things I need to change
spending time in unfulfilling friendships
At a point, you may outgrow your friends and certain friendships turn sour. I've been avoiding admitting that fact out of fear of becoming lonely, but I cannot stand feeling like a gas tank anymore. Every time I talk to them, it is so draining because all they talk about is themselves. Not once has the words, "what about you?" come out of their mouth. Conversations are unfulfilling, but it's not because they're a bad person. They just lack the ability to socialize. If you're not a good listener, no one will want to be friends with you. People socialize to be understood and if you can't participate in basic conversation without using insults as a reply, then why would I want to spend time with you?
my 6-month-and-going art block
I don't know why I'm feeling so drained. By most people's definition, I'm supposed to be one of those "talented young artists" based on my scholastic's awards, competitions, etc. Yet I feel so depressed. Well, I don't know if that's the right word, but I'm stuck. I've been plateauing for who knows how long, and drawing doesn't bring me as much joy anymore. I still find it enjoyable, but I can't seem to let go of this pressure to pursue constant improvement.
When I was around 13, I made my little mind up to pursue art as a career because I had always been passionate and skilled at it. I was improving at a pretty fast rate, but once I put the pressure of needing to improve on myself, I started hitting a wall. The refreshing feeling of even taking a break and absorbing other people's art to improve has been gone. Maybe it's the pressure I put on myself that I can't seem to let go, maybe my relationship with art is just changing, or it's just a passing phase of creative drain. If it's the pressure, how do I let it go? The funny thing is that I still make art I'm proud of, I just don't improve at a fast rate anymore and I struggle to draw from imagination.
Now, I'm accepting the fact that art will probably not provide the financial stability I desire. Because I've had this (unrealistic?) dream of doing concept art for games and movies (netflix, riot, blizzard, etc.) since forever, letting it go hurts a little.
*advice is always welcome :)